There are certain things I feel I need to articulate. Whether it be for my own personal process of healing and moving on, or for some external reason I’m not sure. Probably a combination of both.
I’ve spent the better part of my life so far trying to come to terms with ideas I’ve had ever since I was about 14 years old. That’s when things started really changing for me. That’s when I started asking my own questions. That’s when I started really thinking for myself (although I admit it has taken years for me to really say with confidence that I am capable of that). That’s when I really started on the path that has led me to where I am today.
And where is that exactly? There is something that very few people know about me. Mostly because I haven’t made it my purpose to publicize it until now. I’ve never felt it was necessary. Maybe I was scared. I know I’ve been scared. It’s also partly because people around me continue to make assumptions about who I am. Something I have ignored for years. But not anymore.
For a long time I called myself an Agnostic. That doesn’t mean I was unsure about what I believe. It doesn’t mean I was lazy and taking the easy way out. Nothing is laid out for you in agnosticism. It is a constant battle to learn and grow and develop your beliefs. It’s about the journey, not the final destination. The best way I can describe it is to say that it’s about constantly getting closer and closer to the truth, all the while knowing that you’ll never quite get there. That may sound frustrating to some. But to me it’s the only thing that makes sense. I believe it was Socrates who said “Wisdom is knowing how little we know.”
The more and more I embraced agnosticism, the more and more I realized that I thought like an atheist. The more I learn about the world around me, the more it makes sense to me that god is an idea created by men to cope with the fear of their own mortality. I’m sure a lot of people think that it must be terrifying living in a world where you don’t know what your purpose in life is or what the “meaning of it all” could possibly be. To me it just means that it’s that much more important to make our time here the best that it can be.
I am tired of being timid. I am tired of being apologetic for who I am and the philosophies I’ve adopted into my life. I am sorry for feeling I need to hide my views and opinions on things so that I don’t offend anyone. I’m beginning to feel that perhaps it’s not my problem that people would feel offended by what I believe. Maybe that is entirely their problem. And maybe I just need to step up and accept it so that others can begin to do the same.
So here it is. I am an atheist. And I am ecstatic about it.
The rest of this blog will consist of what I consider my journey from point A to point B. But that will take a lot more thinking and reading and searching. For now, thanks for reading and I hope you'll come back for the next installment.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." -Carl Sagan
